5 Heavily Stereotyped "Quickfacts" about Argentina You Can Learn by Walking to McDonald's on a Monday Night

1. The stoplights are confusing. 

The stoplights here have no rhyme or reason - the simply change from red to green as they please. This phenomenon I believe is the cause of the constant barrage of yelling and car horns I hear at all hours from my bedroom window all day and all night. 

2. The white walking man does not necessarily mean go. 

To build on my last point, because of the seemingly erratic nature of the stoplights, pedestrians are never safe. My suggestion to you is to find a local and step in time with them when walking to avoid being run over by an angry, aggressive and light disregarding motor vehicle operator. 

3. Argentinians are a beautiful people. 

When you find that local to step in time with, take a moment to appreciate their innate beauty. Seriously. I've yet to see one unattractive person here. Must be the water. 

3. Beauty is correlated with mass amounts of exercise at exactly 6:30 PM. 

Clearly their beauty can be attributed to their rigorous work out regimen. If you're not planning on taking a jog with iPod and headphones in hand around this time, you'll quickly find yourself out of place and playing a human game of flappy bird as you navigate your way through the busy sidewalks full of the aforementioned beautiful people. 

NOTE: It was observed that running can be avoided if one wears designer workout gear and simply walks as if they are a model and the sidewalk is your catwalk. 

4. Get a bike. 

Not only will this serve as the building blocks for your own work out regimen as you quest to become as beautiful as the locals, it is also the perfect way to avoid becoming a human flappy bird. The choice is yours: stay an awkward and less attractive, sidewalk hogging american or assimilate, develop your beauty through your daily workout at 6:30 PM and bike the the locals do. 

5. No Spanish, huge problem. 

If it's sink or swim, you're going to sink. There is no English...anywhere. And, unfortunately, my killer game of charades coupled with my charismatic personality is getting me nowhere. Unless there is a beautiful and kind Argentinian behind you in line (SHOUT OUT: A big thanks goes out to the nice guy in McDonald's that translated my order for me! You da man!) that is willing to take a break from laughing at your crazy charades playing self to help you out, you're out of luck my friend. Decidedly, my handy dandy English-Spanish dictionary will have to be my life raft for the rest of the time here. 

More facts to be determined at a later date.


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